Chapter 7 - Saturday
Natalie arrived fifteen minutes early.
Lily learned that later.
At the time, she only knew Dr. Patel asked whether she wanted the door open or closed.
“Open.”
“Do you want your dad in the room?”
Lily looked at Aaron.
He seemed willing.
He also seemed terrified.
“No.”
Aaron nodded.
“Okay.”
“Will you be outside?”
“Yes.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
Caroline sat with him in the waiting room.
Dr. Patel remained in the meeting room.
Lily sat at a child-sized table with colored pencils arranged between them.
The open doorway showed a strip of hallway.
Then Natalie appeared.
She stopped.
Lily stopped breathing.
Natalie wore the same brown coat from the courtyard.
She had taken off the silver earrings.
For some reason, Lily wondered why.
Natalie did not rush toward her.
She did not cry out her name.
She waited.
Dr. Patel said softly, “Lily, this is Natalie.”
Natalie gave a nervous smile.
“Hi.”
Lily whispered, “Hi.”
Natalie sat in the chair Dr. Patel indicated.
Not too close.
For several seconds, nobody spoke.
Then Lily asked the question she had rehearsed all morning.
“Why didn’t you come get me?”
Natalie’s face changed.
Dr. Patel watched carefully.
Natalie did not look away.
“Because when you were very little, I wasn’t healthy enough to take care of you safely.”
“Later.”
Natalie swallowed.
“Later, I tried to see you through the court.”
“Why didn’t you just come to my house?”
“Because your dad had custody, and I promised I would follow the rules.”
“Even when he said no?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because breaking the rules might have made things worse for you.”
Lily thought.
“Did you ever drive by?”
Natalie froze.
Dr. Patel leaned slightly forward.
Natalie answered.
“Once.”
Aaron did not know that.
Neither did Lily.
“When?”
“Your fifth birthday.”
Lily’s eyes widened.
“You saw me?”
“No. I got to the end of your street and turned around.”
“Why?”
“Because showing up without permission would have been about what I wanted, not what was good for you.”
Lily studied her.
“Did you cry?”
Natalie laughed once through tears.
“A lot.”
Lily looked at the colored pencils.
Then at Natalie.
“Victoria says she raised me.”
“She did.”
“You’re not mad?”
“I have feelings about Victoria.”
Dr. Patel almost smiled.
“But she did raise you. So did your dad.”
“Do you hate her?”
Natalie took her time.
“No.”
“Really?”
“I’m angry that she hid letters. I’m angry she told you I didn’t care. But hate is too simple.”
Lily liked that answer.
She picked up a purple pencil.
“Daddy said I drew a purple dog with you.”
Natalie covered her mouth.
“You remember?”
“No.”
Natalie laughed and cried at the same time.
“You made it enormous. I asked if it was a horse and you got very offended.”
Lily smiled.
“My dogs still look bad.”
“Mine too.”
They began drawing.
Not because anyone instructed them.
Because talking had become too big.
Natalie drew a terrible dog.
Lily laughed.
The laugh made Natalie freeze.
Her eyes filled immediately.
“What?”
“You laugh like I do.”
“Daddy said that.”
Natalie looked toward the open doorway.
“He remembered.”
The words contained so much history that Lily did not understand them.
But she understood Natalie was surprised.
After twenty minutes, Lily asked, “Can I call you Mom?”
Natalie’s face broke.
Dr. Patel intervened gently.
“You can call her whatever feels comfortable.”
Natalie quickly said, “You never have to call me anything you don’t want.”
Lily nodded.
“Can I?”
“Yes.”
“Okay.”
But she did not say it yet.
At thirty-five minutes, Dr. Patel announced they had five minutes left.
Lily frowned.
“That’s short.”
Natalie smiled shakily.
“It felt short to me too.”
“Are you coming back?”
“If you want.”
“I want.”
Natalie’s shoulders lowered.
Lily looked at her carefully.
“Did you bring me anything?”
Aaron had worried about gifts.
Natalie had agreed not to bring presents.
She reached into her purse.
“One thing. Dr. Patel said it was okay.”
She removed a small envelope.
Inside was a photograph.
Baby Lily asleep on Aaron’s chest.
Natalie had taken it.
Aaron was younger.
Unshaven.
Exhausted.
Completely happy.
On the back Natalie had written a date.
“I thought you should have a picture that reminds you your story didn’t start with everybody fighting,” Natalie said.
Lily stared at it.
Something inside her loosened.
“You were there?”
“I took the picture.”
Lily looked at Natalie.
“Were we happy?”
“Yes.”
“All of us?”
Natalie’s voice trembled.
“For a while.”
The session ended.
Lily stood.
Natalie remained seated.
She was clearly waiting for Lily to decide what happened next.
Lily took one step.
Then another.
She stopped in front of Natalie.
“Can I hug you?”
Natalie began crying before she answered.
“Yes.”
Lily leaned forward.
Natalie held her carefully.
Not tightly.
Not desperately.
Like she understood the hug belonged to Lily.
It lasted only seconds.
Then Lily stepped back.
“Bye.”
“Bye, sweetheart.”
Lily walked into the hall.
Aaron stood.
He searched her face.
“How was it?”
Lily held up the photograph.
“She had this.”
Aaron took it.
His expression changed immediately.
He remembered the night.
Lily watched him.
“She said our story didn’t start with fighting.”
Aaron closed his eyes briefly.
“She’s right.”
Natalie emerged several minutes later with Dr. Patel.
She stopped when she saw Aaron.
Five years of anger, fear and unfinished grief passed between them.
Neither approached.
Natalie finally said, “Thank you for bringing her.”
Aaron swallowed.
“I should have done it years ago.”
Natalie looked at him.
“Yes.”
No cruelty.
No absolution.
Just truth.
Then Victoria appeared at the far end of the hallway.
Everyone turned.
Aaron’s face hardened.
“What are you doing here?”
Victoria held something in both hands.
Another envelope.
Her voice shook.
“I found this in my desk.”
Natalie recognized the handwriting on the front.
Her own.
Victoria looked at Lily.
“I never put this one in the shoebox.”
Lily took it.
Unlike every other letter, this envelope was addressed not to Lily.
But to Victoria.
May you like
And whatever Natalie had written inside had been hidden for nearly three years.
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