Chapter 15 - Ethan Packs Himself
Robert stopped in the doorway.
“Buddy.”
“Go away.”
Ethan shoved two shirts into the suitcase.
One fell out.
Vanessa stood behind Robert, crying silently.
“Where are you going?” Robert asked.
“Grandma’s.”
“No.”
“You said I could stay there.”
“For sleepovers.”
“I want to live there.”
Robert entered slowly.
“You’re angry.”
“Yes!”
“I know.”
“I don’t want her here.”
Vanessa flinched.
Robert did not correct him.
“Okay.”
“I hate her.”
Vanessa turned away.
Robert sat on the floor.
“You’re allowed to be angry.”
“I’m not angry. I hate her.”
“Okay.”
Ethan looked confused.
He had expected resistance.
“You’re not going to tell me I don’t?”
“No.”
“Good.”
He packed socks.
Robert waited.
Finally Ethan shouted:
“She wanted the baby, not me!”
From the hallway, Vanessa made a broken sound.
Robert looked toward her.
She shook her head.
Do not rescue me.
Good.
Ethan continued.
“She said she loved me!”
Robert nodded.
“She does.”
“No!”
“People can love someone and still hurt them.”
“That’s stupid.”
“It is.”
Ethan started crying.
“Mom didn’t.”
Robert’s heart broke.
“Your mom died before you were old enough to be mad at her very often.”
Ethan glared.
“She wouldn’t send me away.”
“No.”
Robert would not invent fairness.
“I don’t think she would.”
Ethan cried harder.
“Then I want her.”
Robert moved closer.
“So do I.”
That stopped him.
Robert’s own tears came.
“I want her all the time.”
Ethan stared.
“But she’s not coming back.”
Robert’s voice cracked.
“And that is unfair.”
Ethan crawled into his father’s arms.
For several minutes they stayed on the floor beside the open suitcase.
Vanessa remained outside.
When Ethan finally calmed, he looked at her.
“Why are you there?”
“I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m not.”
“I know.”
“Go away.”
Vanessa nodded.
“Okay.”
She left.
Robert did not tell Ethan to apologize.
That evening, Vanessa packed her floral suitcase again.
Robert found her in their bedroom.
“What are you doing?”
“Leaving.”
“No.”
She looked at him.
“He needs space.”
“This is your home.”
“You said that about him.”
“Yes.”
“And I need to listen now.”
Robert stood in the doorway.
“You think leaving fixes it?”
“No.”
“Then why?”
“Because every time he sees me, he remembers the suitcase.”
“So we replace one disappearance with another?”
Vanessa stopped.
Robert sat on the bed.
“Dr. Greene tomorrow.”
“He doesn’t want me here.”
“He’s seven.”
“He has a right to feel safe.”
“Yes. But safety doesn’t mean adults vanish whenever he is angry.”
Vanessa stared at the suitcase.
“What do we do?”
“We stay predictable.”
“Even if he hates me?”
“For now.”
She sat beside him.
“I can’t fix this.”
“No.”
She began crying.
“I want to.”
“I know.”
“You always fix things.”
Robert almost laughed.
“That has not gone especially well.”
She smiled through tears.
The next therapy session included Ethan.
Dr. Greene did not make him forgive Vanessa.
She asked what he needed.
“Nothing.”
“What would make home feel less scary?”
“My suitcase gone.”
Vanessa looked at Robert.
Dr. Greene asked, “Gone where?”
“Trash.”
Robert blinked.
“That suitcase is new.”
Ethan glared.
“Dad.”
“Trash it is.”
They all laughed except Ethan.
Then even he smiled.
After therapy, Robert carried the blue suitcase into the garage.
Ethan watched.
“Do you want to throw it away yourself?”
“Yes.”
He pushed it into the trash bin.
The stuffed dinosaur remained safely in his arms.
Vanessa stood several feet away.
Ethan looked at her.
“Yours too.”
Vanessa stared.
“My suitcase?”
“The flower one.”
Robert tried not to smile.
Vanessa said, “That was expensive.”
Ethan folded his arms.
Vanessa sighed.
“Fine.”
She retrieved the floral suitcase.
Together, she and Ethan pushed it into the second trash bin.
For one small second, they smiled at each other.
Not forgiveness.
A truce.
Then Vanessa’s phone rang.
May you like
The NICU.
Sophie was ready to come home.
